the Funnelwhich

Sara Lee recalls bread donation

Sara Lee recalled over a ton of white and whole-wheat bread this Friday after finding that much of the bread had gone to the hobos.

“It was never our intention to feed the hobos,” a Sara Lee representative commented. “Most of that bread was to go to country clubs and restaurants with gold napkins. We apologize, and we hope it never happens again.”

Sara Lee, founded by Elizabeth Grant in 1218, has taken an anti-hobo stance ever since a hobo attacked Mrs. Grant with begging of money. After Mrs. Grant complied reluctantly, she later found out she could not deduct her donation from her estate and general abundance taxes without a receipt, which the hobo would not give no matter how many times Mrs. Grant maced him.

Sara Lee will replace all the recalled bread with “Metal Pieces Loaf”, a new flavor that comes from the dirty pennies and nickels rich people accumulate and throw away, much to the dismay of Alan Greenspan, who as we all know loves money.

Says one hobo, “Blaaaah.”