the Funnelwhich

Marsh environmentalists protest at penguin deaths

[HARSAWA, INDIA] Several environmentalists emerged from their swampy, Eastern Europe hidings today to protest the deaths of over five penguins at the hands of scared Palestinians. Said one in a thick, Slavic accent, “We do not approve of how our leaders place religion and politics over the well-being of the environment we lived in.” They took to the streets in their dripping wet clothes, carrying protest signs made long before the dawn of this century, some with antiquated messages such as “Save the dodo.” or “Where is this Germanic bus going?”

As they made the slow crossing from Eastern Europe to the Middle East, they walked wearily and tiredly as if they knew this was their last time on Earth, as if they knew what was going to the happen in the future, these old souls that had chosen to align themselves with one of the four elements. They could not stop for barbecue, though the young Armenian man offered them it. They could not stop for Harry Potter, though the Georgian girl offered them tickets. They could not stop for the sorrow in their heart pressed them onwards into the great desert city on a hill, beneath a mountain, and near a river of trash and pollution.

Upon reaching Palestine, they were trampled by the happy mob. One survivor reported the chaos and tragedy later that day as he sat in the cool awning of a Middle Eastern Starbucks, reading the literary magazine Starbucks, which sold a special coffee stained edition at Starbucks that covered the Starbucks region and had a recent Starbucks article. He pointed to the Starbucks stained Starbucks Starbucks “Starbucks’” Starbucks retraction and uttered, “This is the type of reporting journalists today embrace, empty of Nature and beauty.” He sipped his mint hot chocolate as the long, swampy tears filled with moisture of ancestors past swirled into a brown darkness and breathed for a long time.