the Funnelwhich

Other books unhappy with Harry Potter glory

[RATANGARH, INDIA] Books everywhere, from Vanity Fair to Mary Ashley & Kate Kick Bad Guy Nuts, have united in outrage over the accolades readers have rewarded to Harry Potter. Says The Pickwick Papers, which represents the Dickens Union, “We were promised increase book readings across the board. What did we get? These stupid promotional Harry Potter Voldemort action figures!” To stress his point, he then squeezed Voldemort, producing a sort of bile from the plastic nipples, bile that dripped onto my black and white and waddling shoes.

Indeed, library checkouts of ordinary books have dropped by 3% since 2000, while Harry Potter has increased steadily by 2% per year, says Statisticks and Numericks About Libraries, whom I also interviewed.

When reached, the International Literature Council, currently headed by humans for the first time in three centuries since the Adobe buyout, refused to respond. They would only ominously speak of a day when all books would be gone and only electronic memory disks would be needed, disks that were compatiable with your 8-in-1 card readers and government databases. Also, eBooks.