Monk: And I see you've been dating recently.
Natalie: How … did you know that?
Monk: Easy. You have these birth control pills in your coat pocket.
Natalie: I cannot believe you just showed that in front of my daughter! You have absolutely no social skills!
Daughter: It's all right, Mom; I'm not a baby.
Monk: Oh-oh, I'm mistaken. These are not birth control pills—they're Tic-Tacs … but you shouldn't eat them because they're special Tic-Tacs that are fo-for-they're adult Tic-Tacs.
Monk: Oh my God, this bird … this bird is eating from both cups and he's keeping them perfectly even.
Pet Store Salesperson: You can have that bird for free if you want. We can't get rid of him; everybody keeps bringing him back.
Natalie: What's wrong?
Salesperson: Customers find him depressing. He mopes around his cage all day, keeping it tidy, cleaning it. His cage always has to be perfect.
Natalie: What happened to him?
Monk: His wife died.
Salesperson: That's correct, actually. His mate died recently and he's been moping around ever since.
Natalie (on the telephone): I'll take that assistant job if it's still open, Mr. Monk.
Natalie: No, I can't come over right now. I can't leave my daughter.
Natalie: OK, OK, calm down. How big is the spider?
This has been Queer Quotes.