The Dark Balloon

A weblog by Hao Lian.
A terrible secret guarded by golems.
A note that thanks you for being born, all those years ago.

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Meeting new people.

This is a retort—the best kind of retort—to Jeff Bone’s “Haskell is like ‘that girl’,” as seen first on reddit.

She knew there were girls before her. Flashy girls—flashy for their time anyway—who were all pizazz and flesh, possessing neither substance nor soul. To her credit, C forgave you, which was more than anybody in the world had done. You quit those popular girls that got around with everybody sooner or later, the ones whose names were written in all capital letters. Some even remembered your name as you broke up with them.

As you replaced the receiver for that last entry in your little black database table, you felt the click in your soul. The one of loneliness, crazy regret, and echoes. Echoes of “Did I do the right thing?” “Am I with the right person?” Penniless and broke, you ran on the pure fuel C’s forgiveness. You lived because she was there when nobody else was. You beat those demons back. With a tempest and a hiss, they capitulated and went away in some dark recess of your soul.

A decade went by and then another. It was the 90s. Girls dressed more provocatively than ever before. Those demons, always prodding your conscience for ever-beautiful hairline cracks, came back. When you got home to kiss your wife C and she kissed back, you started flinching. She realized that you changed first, and it broke her in a way she never showed it for fear they would break her. She believed in you, and sadly she thought belief was all you needed. She knew you would do the right thing.

But you broke, and her forgiveness and patience followed her heart and broke too. “New problems require new solutions,” you told yourself before drowning in the liquor, the excess, the automated memory management, and the string of never-ending girls willing to turn a trick for a cheap buck—Perl, Python, Ruby, PHP, Java, D, Erlang. Or if you were short on cash, you’d flag down a shell language and have your way. You stopped looking at your wife in the eyes; it was the only way to ignore her gentle, silent pleas. You ignored the ways she tried to change: C89, C90, C99, C1x. So you packed your briefcases and one day you never came home from work. If you had, you would’ve seen C sitting at the kitchen table waiting for the kiss on the cheek that would never come …

… a strange scene lit by the fluorescent light that would never drive away the darkness.

[(2008 September 3) .]

I’m a big fan of that … or that div disguised as an hr… But the piece itself… I don’t feel the lava. “Some even remembered your name as you broke up with them.” Yucky stretch of the otherwise flawless allegory of the first paragraph. “Penniless and broke.” I don’t understand the appeal of this expression. “Girls dressed more provocatively than ever before.” Does not jive well with the voice in my head.

Now for some band-aids: “…in a way she never showed it” Remove “it.” “…waiting the kiss on the cheek that would never come” waiting for? waiting on? awaiting?

Favorite part of the piece: “the string of never-ending girls.”

Thanks for the constructive criticism. It’s a div because Internet Explorer has some very-difficult-to-remove default styles on hr’s, even in IE 7. I’ll do an SQL search-and-replace if IE ever fixes it I guess.

And I must’ve missed a preposition there in the penultimate paragraph.

Abandon your ideas.

Use Markdown+, but not HTML. In code blocks, beware angle brackets.