A weblog by Hao Lian.
A terrible secret guarded by golems.
A note that thanks you for being born, all those years ago.
- Ethane: ohnoes advertisements in iphone aim
- Me: “extra acronyms for $5”
- Me: “guy: ok, sir”
- Me: “seller: radar”
- Me: “guy: damn”
- Me: “[later]”
- Me: “guy: so, susie, heard about the new … radar?”
- Me: “susie: i want a divorce”
From Yahoo Answers:
- <AnGel> My Room gets so dusty ! How can I stop this?
- <tootytoon> get a duster :D
- <wordykat> just dust your room every other day
- <Ties that bind> nothing u can do about it unless u live in a dust free environment
- <009> try dusting it once in a while lol
- <Perfidious> I can come and clean it for you at a price
“I’ll see you later, Jeff.”
“No, Grandfather. Don’t go.”
“You know I have to.”
“But it’s dark outside. And cold. And icy. What if you trip?”
“I’ll be fine, Jeff.”
“What if you fall on your back? You know your back is weak, Grandfather.”
“I’ll be back before you know it.”
“What if you’re rescued by a beautiful writer? And what if you fall in love with her, her long auburn hair, her hazel eyes, her warmth and her smiles? And what if you find true love among the family you create in Tennessee, deep within a forest, secluded from civilization? Where amid the intimacy of soulmates you spend the rest of your life, touching each other’s fingers by the fire in the fireplace you so carefully construct each morning, your footsteps lingering in the snow, your humanity forever entwined between your nation of two?”
“I—I’ve never thought about it.”
“Damn right you haven’t, old man.”
- Me: “Late in his life, Serling taught at Ithaca College in Ithaca, New York”
- Me: That would be weird to have him as your professor
- Ethane: WELCOME TO
- Ethane: SCREEN WRITING 101
- Ethane: GOTCHA, BITCHES
- Me: “Are we going to die? / NO! STOP ASKING ME THAT!”
When you woke up this morning, did … did you feel different? The air seemed brighter, and the light seemed fresher. When you pulled the curtains back, did … did you tingle? There’s something in our atmosphere today that wasn’t there before. It’s not the anthrax, and it’s not the botulism. It’s something more ephemeral. Something glittery and beautiful and sexy, all at once, if that’s possible, and I think it is. No, that something something with the extra something something is a new podcast, a podcast called Shirtless Hugging, by me, and some other folks.
- Ethane: MOMBYE
- Ethane: is A PLACE IN INDIA MISSPELLED
- Ethane: that got attacked by terrorists.
- Ethane: More like Bombai mirite.
- Ethane: I forgot SATs weren’t for giggles.
- Me: In fact, they decide your future in the Council of Elders.
- Me: Like in The Giver.
- Me: Or Norway.
- Ethane: This is the game where we take things literally.
- Me: i.e. the game where we start killing pairs of birds with rocks.
- Me: “Thanksgiving”
- Me: some call it.
- Ethane: I call it revenge.
- [on who’s the sexual assault victim when both people are drunk]
- Me: The Official University Metaphor is: If you’re a drunken driver and you hit a drunken pedestrian, who’s at fault?
- Me: And I’ve yet to comprehend it.
- Candyman: It’s the driver because he’s bigger and stronger.
- Me: I wanted to blurt out, “You’re right, my penis is a lot like a car. I’ve never noticed that.”
- Me: And then make quiet beep-beep sounds.
- Me: Aren’t you going to ask me what my sixth sense is?
- Candyman: Sure.
- Candyman: Love?
- Me: Non
- Candyman: Okay, what is it?
- Me: Non
- Candyman: Non?
- Me: non
- Ethane: What do they think we’re going to do?
- Ethane: Send them high fives in the mail?
- Ethane: Impractical. If I cut off a bunch of human hands, what am I supposed to do with the bodies?
- Me: If I could regrow hands, that’s what I’d do all day.
- Me: “Hi, this is Hao. Susie, I’m touching you! Sincerely, Anonymous.”
- Ethane: “Hey, could you give me a hand?”
Ethan of exploding houseware fame
- Me: Kool-Aid Man says, “Oh Yeahhhhhh.”
- Me: and hits a woman
- Ethane: misogyny yayay
- Me: Now in cherry flavors.
- Ethane: Comes in an easy abuse pouch.