The Dark Balloon

A weblog by Hao Lian.
A terrible secret guarded by golems.
A note that thanks you for being born, all those years ago.

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2011 Sep 13.

You’re so angry. It’s hard to read this because you’re so angry. You’re angry at the world, you’re angry at yourself, you’re angry at the people whom you’ve asked for help.

[(2011 September 13) .]

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Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.

Kreacher is what he has been made by wizards, Harry.

heartbreakingly beautiful writing

[(2011 August 21) .]

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And you are not alone.

But I’m still angry at the events that took place and I’m still angry with these two heroes of mine who killed these two heroes of mine. I’m still angry for having my house burglarized. Wallace’s death brought for me a fresh version of the dread I was already experiencing after Rick’s suicide, this knowledge that life will never be like it was, it will be weirder and darker and happy at times and always always always more sad. I know now that everything Wallace wrote will be different for me than it was before. Even memories of his funniest writing include memories of the sorrow and desperation packed in there. My struggle when I do reach back into Wallace’s words will be to see beyond the shovel to the gut I felt when I heard he had died.

John Moe on David Foster Wallace’s suicide; David Wallace wrote Infinite Jest, a finite book that I finished two days ago in only the most literal sense of the word, finished.

[(2011 May 11) .]

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Cows to milk.

I don’t know this young woman’s dad, but he doesn’t seem like a very good one. I’ll provide some anecdotal reference of my own, but I wouldn’t be surprised that many of us would feel better about their father than this asshole.

My pops sacrificed pretty much all of himself to raise our family (nine kids). He was downright selfless about it in all his moments of attending swim-meets or coaching soccer, seeing choir concerts and math bees, selling candy with the Boy Scouts, paying for who-ever’s speeding ticket or insurance, helping out when we fucked up rather than telling us how stupid we are, helping anyone move from apartment to apartment, or when there wasn’t money for rent or food or healthcare. Pretty much anything for his children, with reasonable, well understood limits.

We’re all (my siblings) doing our best growing up, we’ve all moved out and its just him and Mom now. Its all taken a toll on him. He’ll fall asleep at 10:45 watching ‘The Wire’ with her, and wake up early in the morning around 4:30 or 4:35, not knowing what to do. He has completed all his chores. What to do at that time in the morning. No cows to milk or babies to soothe or drunken children to pick up from the police. No news papers to deliver. Less responsibility as a father.

He’ll never be rich, never drive a beamer, never make a name for himself. Maybe he’s a loser or something, but he is one of the kindest human beings I’ve met in my time and I’d pray a thousand fucking rosaries for this young woman to have a father who understands that investing time and money into your family pays in returns that are not countable in any form of currency. And I don’t even own a rosary anymore.

localhuman on MetaFilter.

[(2011 April 16) .]

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Christmas.

Sometimes a person walks into the room and your whole body just lights up like a Christmas tree, even though you’ve barely looked at them, and you have no idea why.

(via Ask MetaFilter)

[(2010 November 19) .]

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Even if that were a good idea, I’m not sure it’s possible.

John Hodgman solves violent video games with the help of public radio.

[(2010 November 5) .]

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How friendships work.

  • Me: FRIENDSHIP
  • Me: OVER
  • Sean: please don’t end our friendship
  • Me: FIIIIINE
[(2010 November 1) .]

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Problems.

  • Candyman: I think her name is Tong-Tong or something.
  • Candyman: Apparently she’s really good at physics.
  • Candyman: So good that she takes five or six hours to finish problem sets that should really take no more than 1.5 hours to solve and type.
  • Me: Ha, you’re just jealous of Tong-Tong’s ability to not make any Wrong-Wrongs on her physics tests.
  • Candyman: hahahaha
[(2009 October 17) .]

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The longest journey.

  • Candyman: Here, the RAs have the keys to everyone’s room, so you just walk down a couple of door and get the key.
  • me: A great idea that earns the college $0 and is therefore unacceptable.
  • me: We can however ask the RAs at Princeton for condoms at any time.
  • me: I wonder if keeping a bag of condoms on you at all times is worth the larger room and the stipend.
  • me: Not to mention the wonderfully smooth and natural conversations with people who ask you for them.
  • Candyman: To get our free condoms, we take a bus to the central campus, walk 10 minutes, and then enter a dingy house.
  • me: hahahaha
[(2009 August 19) .]

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Graduate schooling.

From reddit:

  • <IbnReddit> What is TAing?
  • <sydryx> Teacher assistant … ing.
[(2009 August 12) .]

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Fiction.

From Kurt Vonnegut’s God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater:

Mushari dutifully went looking for a copy of the book for his dossier on Eliot. No reputable bookseller had ever heard of [Kilgore] Trout. Mushari made his last try at a smut-dealer’s hole in the wall. There, amidst the rawest pornography, he found tattered copies of every book Trout had ever written. 2BRO2B, which had been published at twenty-four cents, cost him five dollars.

[Mushari] was witless enough, too, to imagine that Trout’s books were very dirty books, since they were sold for such high prices to such queer people in such a place. He didn’t understand that what Trout had in common with pornography wasn’t sex but fantasies of an impossibly hospitable world.

[(2009 July 26) .]

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Pranks.

From shinynew:

My sister did this to me when I was younger, but not quite as hard.

“If you rub your hands together it will smell like raspberries.” (Easily testable and not completely unbelivable.)

Does it and is hit.

“Why did you hit me?

“Why did you put your hand to your face?

“I … I trusted you.…”

She felt pretty bad about it.

[(2009 June 29) .]

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There’s a lot of astral projection in this story.

It’s your story, your voice, your choices, and I don’t want to question them, but why these words?

Comments Written By Actual Students Extracted From Workshopped Manuscripts at a Major University, collected by Tanya Rey for McSweeney’s.

[(2009 June 5) .]

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What can Brown do for you?

Once, on the first day of class, Angela Carter, who taught at Brown, was asked by a student what her own writing was like. She carefully answered as follows: “My work cuts like a steel blade at the base of a man’s penis.”

A profile of American creative writing education by Louis Menand on The New Yorker.

[(2009 June 4) .]

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Anecdote.

Mike Smith on MetaFilter:

I went to see some live heart surgery yesterday. Sat in a auditorium for three hours watching the queer thing beating, then not beating for a bit, then beating again. Didn’t lose concentration once.

[(2009 May 30) .]