Suck it, Kafka.
Hear ye, hear ye. Case number 1930 will now self-actualize.
Judge: One of you: present your opening.
Prosecution: We will, through persuasive and undoubtful evidence, show that the opposing cousel is only a bloke.
Murmurs from the courtroom
Judge: In light of the fact that you are skirting on contempt of court: Do you, prosecution, have evidence to back up this use of British slang?
Prosecution: Yes, Your Honor, we—
Judge: Well, do you? Because I'll charge you with contempt.
Prosecution: Yes, Your—
Judge: Oh, I will. Push me and I'll push back. I'm like Newton's Third Law, damnit.
Defense: Objection. This conversation bears no relevancy.
Judge: I charge the defense with “Who died and made your the relevancy police?”
Defense: But, Your Honor—
Judge: I charge defense again with “I’m like rubber, you’re like glue.”
Defense: With all due respect, this is a ridicul—
Judge: I charge you with “I know what you are but what am I?”
Defense: I charge you with calling me fat!
Judge: Dibs on gaytard.
Defense: I get idling.
Judge: Unprofessionalism.
Defense: Bad fashion sense.
Judge: Being cool—constipated, overweighted out-of-style loser
Prosecution: I would like to interject some words.
Judge: Please do so.
Prosecution: Bass fish turn blue at sunlight.
Judge: Yes.
Prosecution: Thank you. May I approach the bench?
Judge: Do I have to repeat myself?
Prosecution approaches
Prosecution: What nice wood you have.