Longest time you can play the wonderful game of Contact: at least 1 hour, 30 minutes. The cool thing about Contact is that it gets more fun as more people join in and you get more clues. Essentially, a long Contact game sustains itself since the more you play, the more attention you attract (from hot women). Also, it’s innately fun to the see the initial confusion everybody undergoes learning the basics of the game. There should be a competition to see who can teach somebody new the wonderful game of Contact the fastest. My entry would be 2 minutes.
She and I sat in the car, waiting for the light to change. It always used to change.
“This isn’t the fastest way, you know.” That’s what she said to me. “There’s another way, a more extreme way.”
“You mean driving through that house in front of us?”
“‘Why the fuck did you just drive through our house?’ they’ll yell.”
“‘Shut up and get into the car, old man!’”
In the category of pickup lines: “Hey baby, can I ask you a question? Why do I look so good?” —Jacob Steinhardt, who taught me the wonderful game of Contact and, earlier, contract bridge.
Here’s a helpful tip for all you budding commercialographiseurs: if
you pair a blonde-haired (and -mustachio’d) man with a dark-haired
woman in a relationship, it’s almost as if the commercial continues an
interracial couple. But, here’s the special part, not. Yes, Stokely
Carmichael, racial equality is special.
People see grammar checkers as annoyances. “The best grammar check,”
they say, “is proofreading.” These people are wimps. Grammar check
isn’t an assistance or a tool. It’s a game, and those green squiggly
lines are the shadows, always looming in the sentences you admire the
most. Each beautiful diction is another casualty in the war against
the snakes. Every period is a prayer. You press space, and then you
start the next sentence, hoping you haven’t lost the last one to the
void, the void that lies in the deepest, filthiest corner of the
Recycle Bin. Grammar is war, and to give up is pure, unadulterated
cowardice.
(Don’t even get me started on Microsoft Word’s “Highlight
formatting inconsistencies.” Those blue lines are horrible sluts.)
F. Scott Fitzgerald tosses off the word “unrestfully” and “unthoughtful” like nobody’s business in The Great Gatsby. Oddly enough, even in context, two good, actual words serve as almost perfect replacements: agitatedly and capricious. No doubt others could be found. Fitzgerald seems to love negating words at any point.
Also, The Great Gatsby predicts the Holocaust not once but twice. This is true.
Also, “uncommunicable.”
This is just how awesome the Modern Language Association is. In describing why it mandates angle brackets around URLs, it decides to link to IEEE RFC 2396. Because most people react, “Wow, I was really confused until I read the entirety of RFC 2396. That document really cleared things up for me.”
Word 2007 effectively pushed multilevel list to the ghetto that is “List Gallery”, making it impossible to assign a keyboard shortcut (Ctrl-Shift-L for me to replace the god-awful default list style) or otherwise enforce. This is an illegal guide of illegal activity describing how to disguise a multilevel list as a first-class citizen in the Style pane.
Yes, I am very passionate about word processing. How can you tell?
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Create a multilevel list from the Home pane. This should apply it to your current line of text.
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Find “List Paragraph” in the Styles pane (Ctrl-Alt-Shift-S for me).
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Right-click it, and select “Update Paragraph to Match List Selection.”
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Jealously guard your new style by saving it in Normal.dot or another template.
The main character has an incestuous crush on his cousin second
removed and has a fixation on the cousin's maid's small breasts.
The most abundant protein in the world is called, and this is true, rubisco.
¿What did the pirate write to his mother? A letter.
I’m America (And So Can You!) is suffering from a
stunningly bad pre-release PR campaign. For a book that has the same
massive Harry Potter-like potential of America: The
Book, it doesn’t have the same forward momentum and eager
glee that The Book had prior to its release. First of all,
I’m America seems to have come out of left field, garnering a
first mention on The Colbert Report a month or two ago I
think. Then, I thought it was another literary publishing joke like the Tek Jansen line of jokes the show has developed. The entire PR theme right now appears to be “Stephen
Colbert wrote this book overnight. Buy it when it comes out.”
Before and after the release of The Book, Stewart appeared on
countless interview shows including the Crossfire
appearance that made BitTorrent the cool kid on the playground whose
father owned a real gun that he brings to school, sometimes. In
contrast, I’m America has its biggest splash in a
handful of weak weblog posts. Nobody actually knows what the book is even
about; an aura of mystery surrounds everything it does.
