A weblog by Hao Lian.
A terrible secret guarded by golems.
A note that thanks you for being born, all those years ago.
M. H.Oh, you look like a pirate! A handsome pirate!
The Tenacious Lip Baums: A Trial and Error Kind of Life on the High Seas: An Autobiography in Third-Person, Captain BlackbeardCaptain Blackbeard stared at the gaunt figure in the mirror, porcelain tiles swathed around these twins. “Sometimes I think about shaving,” he mused to no one. He wished he had a protégé; anybody to talk to, really. He reached for his razor blades. “Needle in the Haystack” began playing.
Mary Jane gets jealous of Peter’s success. That’s right, Peter. He is possibly the nicest and nerdiest interpretation of a superhero ever, whose success manages to offend Mary Jane. She questions her love, thus compounding Spider-Nerd’s problems, thus putting his life in mortal danger. Along the way, the movie touches on every other cliché not yet employed in this subplot. Also: nobody bleeds; Harry chooses to be near Mary Jane’s bosom and die rather than call an ambulance; you can talk audibly even if a monster pierces both your lungs; Spider-Nerd’s rib cage is invincible; you can survive a grenade explosion two inches from your face with minimal reconstructive surgery; women will predictably scream in large numbers every time something—usually glass—breaks; you can take your kids out to watch a highly dangerous battle between monstrous freaks; gravitational acceleration is 9.8 meters per second squared for the first three seconds before falling to zero; and an invincible monster will rampage your city when all he really wants is forgiveness. Having watched this and Bones in the same week, I think I’ve reached my capacity for bad writing (and I still have to read over this week’s Dark Balloon posts).