The Dark Balloon

A weblog by Hao Lian.
A terrible secret guarded by golems.
A note that thanks you for being born, all those years ago.

[(2009 January 20) .]

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You can try to write a poem.

I made you, you dear reader, a poem about the ocean. It is not safe for work. Yes. That is how good it is.

Thank you to @PrashanthK and @dtrinh for contributing.

[(2008 December 19) .]

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The lawn mower song.

  • I’m a lown mower, not a Boer.
  • I go higher, I go lower.
  • I’m not white, I’m not racist.
  • I’m a lawn mower, I must insist.
  • (Pause for breath.)
  • I’m a lown mower, not a Boer.
  • I like the indigenous peoples.
  • I don’t build oppressive steeples.
  • I’m a lawn mower, not a Boer.
  • I’ve never started a single war.
  • The worst thing I’ve done is stab the poor.
  • (Pause for breath.)
  • I’m a lawn mower, not a Boer.
  • Please don’t tell me to go more slower.
  • I like grammar, I have blades.
  • I will cut you and your children.
[(2008 May 10, 4!) .]

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Just to fall asleep with you

  • Vastly superior heroes trying to make their way home
  • Oh vastly superior heroes, don’t you know?
  • This is the way, the fabulous way, the way to go

  • Vastly superior heroes stopping for a coffee
  • Gotta be environmentally conscious, choose the paper cup
  • Shove it in the barista’s face and demand, “Fill ’er up!”

  • Vastly superior heroes crossing a large chasm
  • No time to get a cramp, no time to wonder why you haven’t been laid in months
  • Gotta be spontaneous, gotta be super tough

  • Vastly superior heroes walking away from a crime scene
  • Follow that trail of gasoline and light a match
  • Drop it! Watch it burn! The government, your virility they want to snatch!

  • Vastly superior heroes! They’re out there,
  • Vastly superior heroes! they know your name!
  • Vastly superior heroes! They have a cannon in their chests
  • Vastly superior heroes! that shoots vastly superior flame!
[(2006 September 10) .]

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Swedish paparazzi opulence (once The thong song).

The world isn’t a very happy place,
It could use more elves and slightly less mace.
Could we be happy, would we get along?
Maybe we should all wear thongs.

[(2005 April 13) .]