A quick note.
A quick note: Fragments is moving cheerfully along WITH OR WITHOUT YOU, Brian.
A weblog by Hao Lian.
A journey into the soft of night.
A terrible secret guarded by golems.
A quick note: Fragments is moving cheerfully along WITH OR WITHOUT YOU, Brian.
Do you enjoy good things? Then you will enjoy Lost Albums, a new weblog, and you will subscribe to its insanity.
Via Tim, which I took as a throwing of the gauntlet to make the World’s Most Personal Weblog Post Ever.
When I was in fourth grade, I went into the girl’s bathroom by mistake. The kids never let me live it down that week. (Fortunately, little kids make up for their meanness by having a uniquely poor short-term memory.) To make it worse, the teacher pulled out outside the classroom in front of everybody and asked me if I did it on purpose. I said no, and she didn’t believe me.
When I was in the second grade, our class threw a surprise end-of-the-year party for the teacher. By “our class,” I mean “one overworked mother.” At the end of the party, the teacher thanked the class. Thinking it’d be mature, I stood up on a chair, threw my arms out, and yelled “No, thank you.” Then, a long awkward silence.
When I was in the second grade, there were twin girls who were fat. (Disturbingly unhealthily so, now that I look back.) Of course, you don’t say that to their faces. So the three of us managed to sit together at a table in the library. Thinking it’d be edgy, I said something to the extent of “You guys are fat.” After the trip to the library, I had a long talk with the teacher about what is and isn’t appropriate to say. Then I had to make a public apology to them in front of the class. When I hesitated to make the apology, the teacher winked at me. And that’s when I realized that some adults are evil bastards out of sheer ignorance.
When I was in the fifth grade, a cute girl held open the door for the entire class as the entire class marched back to the homeroom from Spanish class, which was held in a nearby group of trailers because our school was in bad need of an expansion. I playfully tapped her butt with a folder I was carrying. That’s just as bad a faux pas as an adult as it is when you’re a kid.
When I was in the fourth grade, the music class teacher assigned a song with lyrics. Everybody got a part to sing. After I sang my part, the next person hesitated so I started singing his part too. And then I just sang the rest of the song; I couldn’t sing, but I thought it was hilarious. It was not.
When I was in the first grade, I would chase after girls with my lips held out for a kiss. (Yes, I have seen that Powerpuff Girls episode. I watched TV instead of having friends as a kid, God knows why.) The girls would run away, a leitmotif in the lives of people who do this as a child. This kept up until a teacher saw me doing this. To avoid having to be told off by the teacher, I laid my head down on a bench and pretended I was tired. Maybe it was then that I realized my life sucked.
I rode the bus for all thirteen years of public education. When I was in the second grade, a fifth-grade girl was the Bus Monitor. She made minor decisions, like making sure people kept out of windows or deciding which highway we would take today. (Not really, but that in my mind is what a bus monitor should be able to do. Get on it, bus drivers of America.) She offered me a seat beside her in the morning because I was one of the last to get on and there usually weren’t any seats. So it was out of pity. One afternoon, she stood up near me (I had a seat to myself in the afternoon. Score.) and announced in the afternoon that there was candy to be passed out. The whole bus cheered. Thinking it’d be mature (I was a very mature kid.), I grabbed her hand and kissed it in front of everybody. She pulled her hand back immediately and said something like “Gross.” After that, I had to sit somewhere else in the morning.
I tag Carey Lowell, Zooey Deschanel, Kristina Fey, Rachel Leigh Cook, why the lucky stiff (famous porn star), Vannevar Bush, and the markdown2 module. I think I won the Most Personal Weblog Post Ever award, so I also pick the Morton Salt girl for my extra eighth slot.
When you woke up this morning, did … did you feel different? The air seemed brighter, and the light seemed fresher. When you pulled the curtains back, did … did you tingle? There’s something in our atmosphere today that wasn’t there before. It’s not the anthrax, and it’s not the botulism. It’s something more ephemeral. Something glittery and beautiful and sexy, all at once, if that’s possible, and I think it is. No, that something something with the extra something something is a new podcast, a podcast called Shirtless Hugging, by me, and some other folks.
For those of you not in the know, you can join by following me on Twitter. For those of you in the know, I’ll let you puzzle out this amazing website.
dfdb is proud to expand to politics and music and culture and current events this year.
Let’s wrap up the 2007 predictions with as little crying as possible, OK?
[Mac OS X failing], with Vista, will leave a power vacuum in the OS market, one that is not filled by Linux, which will lack an OS to copy from which to copy any more features.
TRUE. 2007 was not a good year for operating systems. Unless, of course, you count the release of Emacs 22.1. What happened to version 22, you ask? It’s currently lost in the beard of Richard Stallman, and no amount of open source communism is enough to entice anybody to go and retrieve it.
Web 2.0 will stagnate.
TRUE. Web 2.0 is no longer cool. Lame Internet fads are cool again.
Language interpreters will become a bottleneck.
TRUE. Python is cool now. We all know Python is not interpreted; it’s, in fact fed through van Rossum’s head before he manually flips the diodes in your monitor. That’s right, I’m making this public: Python only runs on LCDs. Deal with it, bitches.
Perl 6.0 will not be released. Python 3000 will not be released.
DOUBLE TRUE. Perl now has Rakudo, Pugs, and about twenty other mini-languages. Apparently, “focus” in the Perl community is a weird way of spelling “vapor.” As in vaporware. MORPHEME BURN. Sizzle sizzle, bitches. (Seriously, when C++0x adds a whole bunch of unnecessary features, it’s lame. But when Perl 6 does it, it’s “Come on, we have nightly builds?”)
dotfloofy dotblog will reach its fourth anniversary.
FALSE. We had a continuity jump and we are, indeed, in our sixth anniversary by now. Scientists, with their sciencing, widely believe this is due to anomalies caused by the pesto sauce I spilled back around June of 2007.
Starts in about 7 hours. Meanwhile, republishing my entire blog on Blogger gets me a “550 Could not open: No space left on device.”
I did something along the lines of del *.* in the Windows folder yesterday and had to reinstall Windows. (Impressive, I know.) Then I realized that Windows keeps all your documents and so obsoleted all five of my floppy disk backups and the hour I spent making them. Anyhoo, I'm reinstalling programs one by one right now but Windows 98 SE is blazing fast. It’ll be slow again in a couple months.